Jokes: Page 119

Rural Australian Computer Terminology 


   LOG ON:                           Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
   LOG OFF:                         Not adding any more wood to the barbie. 
   MONITOR:                       Keeping an eye on the barbie. 
   DOWNLOAD:                 Getting the firewood off the Ute. 
   HARD DRIVE:                 Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. 
   KEYBOARD:                    Where you hang the Ute keys. 
   WINDOW:                          What you shut when the weather's cold. 
   SCREEN:                            What you shut in the mozzie season. 
   BYTE:                                   What mozzies do. 
   MEGABYTE:                      What Townsville mozzies do. 
   CHIP:                                    A bar snack. 
   MICROCHIP:                    What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips. 
   MODEM:                            What you did to the lawns. 
   LAPTOP:                            Where the cat sleeps. 
   SOFTWARE:                      Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. 
   HARDWARE:                    Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart. 
   MOUSE:                              The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed. 
   MAINFRAME:                  What holds the shed up. 
   WEB:                                   What spiders make. 
   WEBSITE:                          Usually in the shed or under the verandah. 
   SEARCH ENGINE:         What you do when the Ute won't go. 
   CURSOR:                          What you say when the Ute won't go. 
   YAHOO:                            What you say when the Ute does go. 
   UPGRADE:                       A steep hill. 
   SERVER:                          The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. 
   MAIL SERVER:             The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch. 
   USER:                               The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. 
   NETWORK:                    What you do when you need to repair the fishing net. 
   INTERNET:                    Where you want the fish to go. 
   NETSCAPE:                    What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net. 
  ONLINE:                           Where you hang the washing.  

   OFFLINE:                         Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enou